Starving the Appetite for Conflict: Control...

In If You Bite & Devour One Another, author Alexander Strauch presents a comprehensive look at what Scripture instructs on what is necessary for sincere Christ-followers to do when they go through struggles in their life. In the first part of his book, Strauch discussed how believers should act when facing conflict: Christians are to act in the Spirit, act in love, and act in humility. In the second part of his book, Strauch warns his readers they must control themselves in the midst of strife; specifically, they must control their anger, control their tongue, and control their criticism.

In order to limit the damage caused by their anger, believers must be slow to anger. When they do become angry, Christians must control the passions of their anger. This means taking care not to sin when they grow angry, and to deal with anger promptly, so they do not inadvertently give the Devil a helping hand to tempt them. On top of all this, believers must remain calm and refuse to escalate conflict through angry responses. To use Paul's analogy, those in Christ must strip off their old life of anger and put on the new clothes of Christlike character. This means putting away and actively striving to avoid failing back into sins like anger and bitterness. Put positively, we are to pursue the selfless and holy character of Christ; if we chase after these, then we will have no time for indulging in the works of the flesh.

Christians are also required to control their tongue during conflict; this means we must bridle our language, choose the right words to say, and to speak sternly in love. As part of restraining our speech, we are to be quick to hear and slow to speak. This means we should be willing to listen to the arguments of the opposing side and think over how we respond. When we do speak, we must eliminate cutting words from our language, be wary of inflammatory speech, refuse to gossip about others, and use edifying words to encourage each other. Despite this, situations can call for stern words. The apostle Paul himself wrote sternly to various churches, but he did so in love for the brothers and with tears over the sin they had fallen into.

Lastly, believers must control their criticism during conflict. This means we are to stop speaking evil of our opponents and to stop judging one another. Refusing to judge can be seen in two different ways: we are not to judge legalistically like the Pharisees did, and we are not to judge others over disputable matters not important in the long run. Additionally, if Christians hope to control their criticism, they must stop grumbling and quarreling among themselves and must learn to rebuke and criticize constructively. To do such, we must pray, check both your attitudes and motives, speak gently, balance your criticism with encouragement, use Scripture to instruct others, and to welcome criticism about ourselves.